探戈中的女人味和女权主义（二）

当一对训练有素的男女在一起探戈时，浪漫，激情，诗意，梦幻，安全感，舒适，和谐，美，等等，便自然而然产生了。探戈之令人满足在于两性彼此间的吸引和作用。男人带领女人并把她的女人味和美充分展现出来。女人委身于男人并以她的女性和美丽吸引和奖励他。男人和女人互相吸引，互相补充，互相满足，相得益彰。

两性在探戈中担当不同的角色是因其性别特征不同。有人说只要有足够的练习任何人都能扮演任何角色，对此我深表怀疑。在我看来，男人不擅长女性角色不是因为缺乏练习，而是因为他们天生阳刚。男人没有女人的身材，韧性，柔软和轻盈，也没有女人因其生殖功能经长期演变而形成的女性心理，她们对美（吸引男性），爱，和安全的需要。这些特性影响她们的舞蹈。另一方面，女人没有男人的体型和力量，也没有男人因其男性功能经长期演变而形成的男性心理，他们对保持控制，采取行动和保护女人的需要。如果男人和女人天生擅长相反的角色，探戈当然就不是这样跳了。

离我家不远，一只母鹅在大树下孵蛋，一只公鹅守卫在附近防止母鹅被骚扰。我路过那棵树时必须绕道，因为公鹅不许我靠近，他很保护母鹅。可不可以公鹅孵蛋而母鹅守卫呢？我想是可以的。但这不自然，也不合适。雄性的阳刚和雌性的阴柔是关系物种福祉的性别特性。男性通常强壮，果敢，有攻击和保护的本能，或者说是一个好父亲和保护者的材料。女性通常柔弱，美丽，顺从，深情，或者说是一个好母亲和养育者的材料。这些特点使两性相互吸引，组成一个有利于后代的持续关系。有些无知者不欣赏自然的方式而想改变它。但是，自然的方式来自千百万年的天演进化，所以是最好，最适合和最有效的方式。干涉自然往往会导致灾难性的后果，如人为的气候变化，环境污染，自然灾害，神秘的疾病，不育，预受污染的胎儿，以及家庭的解体，等等。那些自以为比上帝更聪明的人对自然的干预会给整个人类带来灾难。

良好的价值观是基于人类的整体利益，而不是个人或某一性别的利益。个人主义和女权主义的问题在于其视野局限于单一的个人和性别，因而混淆了善与恶，美与丑的界线。自私是丑恶的，却被美化成追求幸福。不尊重他人是丑恶的，却被美化成个人自由。高傲自大是丑恶的，却被美化成自信。男子气概是令人钦佩的，却被诬蔑为大男子主义。女人味是美丽的，却被贬低为女性的弱点，等等。个人主义和女权主义者挑战传统探戈，给它贴上男权控制和性别歧视的标签。他们想用没有性别区分的方式来跳探戈舞：男人不带领女人，而只邀请女人迈步；女人不对男人委身，而保持独立自主；她可以选择何时，如何以及是否接受邀请，可以率先动作，也可以带领男人或其他女人；两个舞伴之间保持距离，以避免肉体的亲昵；闭式拥抱也被改为开式握持，以允许更多的个性化表演，等等。结果，探戈被改造得面目全非，不再是原来意义上的探戈了。

传统探戈是基于这样的理念：两性是相互依存而非彼此独立的；阳刚与阴柔的互相补充并不造成男女不平等；做一个具有阳刚之气的男人和有女人味的女人是吸引异性，抢手叫座，于人类有利的；两性间的和谐是通过相互谦让与合作，而不是相互对抗和争权夺利来实现的；爱胜于敌视。个人主义和女权主义希望人们专注于个人的自由和独立性。探戈则要求我们学会友爱，谦恭，温柔，顺从，协同，合作，适应对方，和与对方合一。探戈证明，只要遵循这些原则，男人和女人是能够和睦相处的。我相信探戈会对西方社会和整个人类产生积极的影响，除非我们接受这些价值观，我们无法真正享受这个舞蹈。

Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II)

When a man and a woman tango together, something magic and wonderful happens: romanticism, attraction, fantasy, passion and synergy. Tango would not be so gratifying if it were not danced between a man and a woman. The man leads the woman and brings her femininity into full play. The woman surrenders to the man and uses her femininity to attract and reward him. They complement each other, satisfy each other’s need, and enable each shine more brilliantly in the other’s company.

Some people believe that with enough practice anyone could play either role equally well in tango, which I doubt (See Comments). Men are not good at playing the feminine role not because they are not given the chance, but because they are born masculine. A man does not have a woman’s physique, softness, lightness and flexibility. He also does not have the female psychology evolved due to women’s reproductive nature, their need for beauty (to attract male), affection, safety and protection. These traits impact how women dance. On the other hand, women do not have men’s build and strength. They do not have the male psychology evolved due to men’s protective nature, their need for keeping under control, taking initiatives, and protecting women. If men and women were naturally good at the reversed roles, tango would have been danced differently.

Not too far from my house, a female goose is hatching under a tree, and a male goose is guarding nearby, preventing the female from being disturbed. I have to make a detour when I pass the tree because the male goose does not allow me get close. He is very protective of the female goose. Can the male goose hatch and the female goose guard? I suppose they can. But that would not be natural and as fit. Masculinity and femininity are characteristics of the opposite sexes essential to the well being of the species. The male is typically strong, assertive, aggressive and protective, a good father and protector, if you wish. The female is typically soft, attractive, submissive and affectionate, a good mother and care giver, if you wish. These characteristics enable the opposite sexes to attract each other and form a sustainable relationship for the benefit of the offspring. People often do not appreciate the way nature works and want to alter it. But, what is of nature comes from millions of years of evolution, and is, as a result, the best, fittest and most effective way. Messing with the nature often leads to disastrous consequences, such as manmade climate changes, environmental pollution, natural catastrophes, mysterious diseases, sterility, pre-polluted babies, and disintegration of family. Those who think they are smarter than God are harming us all with their ignorant interferences with the nature.

Good human values are based on what is beneficial to the humanity rather than individual person or gender. The problem of individualism and feminism is that their perspectives are narrowed down to a single person or gender. Consequently, they confuse what is good with what is evil and what is beautiful with what is ugly. Selfishness is ugly, but is being justified as pursuit of happiness. Disrespect of others is ugly, but is being warranted as personal liberty. Arrogance is ugly, but is being prettified as self-confidence. Masculinity is admirable, but is being vilified as sexism. Femininity is beautiful, but is being denigrated as female weakness, etc. These ideologies challenge the traditional way tango is danced, label it as male domination and gender inequality (See Tango and Gender Equality). They want tango to be danced in such way that men and women are undifferentiated, that men do not lead women but only invite women to move, that women do not surrender but remain independent, that women may choose how, when and whether to accept the invitation, initiate their own steps and lead men or other women, that the two partners maintain a distance from each other to prevent sexual harassment, and that tango embrace is replaced with an open hold to allow more individuality, etc. As a result, tango is transformed into something that is no longer tango.

Tango is based on the ideas that men and women are interdependent rather than independent, that masculinity and femininity complement rather than un-equalize the two genders, that being a masculine male and a feminine female is attractive, beneficial and desirable, that the harmony of the two genders is arrived at through mutual submission and cooperation rather than confrontation and power struggle, and that love triumphs over hostility. While individualism and feminism want us to focus on our individuality and independence, tango requires us to focus on our partner and the oneness of the two. It teaches us to be submissive, friendly, humble, gentle, cooperative, adaptive and flexible. Tango proves that the two sexes can form a harmonious relationship by conforming to these values. Despite the challenges tango faces in the West, it continues to exert positive influences on our societies, because unless we adopt its values, we are unable to fully enjoy the dance (See How You Dance Matters).

你探戈之旅的四个阶段

如果探戈对你来说只是所看见的形式——步子，那么你是处在你探戈之旅的第一阶段。在这个阶段，探戈的无形部分还超出你的理解。但是，你不要被步子欺蒙了双眼。它仅仅是海面上冰山的尖顶而已。探戈是一种综合性艺术。虽然你需要知道步子才能跳探戈，但许多同样重要，若不是更重要的事，你也必须知道。此时的你应该把注意力主要放在发展良好的姿势，拥抱，连接，平衡，轴转，上下身分离和行走上。许多学生在姿势尚不好看，身体尚僵硬沉重，拥抱尚破裂断开，行走尚笨拙不稳，而且尚需依靠舞伴来保持平衡的时候，就选择超出自己水平的课程去学习复杂的舞步。结果，那些花哨的舞步对他们并没有多大价值，只是增加他们的坏习惯而已。在这个阶段，你需要克服急功近利的心理，循序渐进，化时间改进你的姿势，拥抱，连接，平衡，协调，轴转，上下身分离和行走，正确地按照标准学好基本步子。这种方法看起来慢，但它会为你奠定坚实的基础，使你能快速进步。

一旦学会了基本步子并开始去舞会跳舞，你进入了你探戈之旅的第二阶段。在这个阶段你会继续学习新步子，但你的注意力应该放在纠正旧习惯和培养新习惯上。如果你的个人习惯不符合探戈标准，或者，如果你在第一阶段养成了坏习惯，你现在需要解决这些问题。这个阶段可能是个漫长而痛苦的时期，因为你一生积累的习惯不容易改变，需要付出时间和努力。你需要一个好老师一点一点地从细节上指点你，帮助你纠正坏习惯。你也可以在镜子前练习，或录下你的舞蹈来分析自己的姿势，拥抱，连接，平衡，协调和动作。你需要不断对你的习惯作出有意识的努力，直到你养成了正确的，符合探戈美学标准的姿势和动作。

当你的舞蹈开始有了探戈的感觉，当你习惯了用正确的方法跳探戈，你进入了你探戈之旅的第三阶段。在这个阶段，你的注意力开始从外部转向内部。一旦步子不再是你的障碍，你可以开始对探戈的无形部分进行工作。你需要提高你的乐感，熟悉不同类型，节奏，速度，情绪，和乐队的曲子，学习跳出每一支舞曲的不同点。你需要学习暂停，学习装饰你的舞步，学习表达你的感情，学习用慢速度和快速度跳舞，学习较高深的，不仅旨在加强舞蹈的外在表现力，而且旨在增添舞蹈的内在感觉的技巧，例如CADENCIA和齿轮效应。你需要提高你身体的柔韧性和协调性，提高用你的身体影响舞伴身体运动并与之和谐同步的能力。你还需要超越舞蹈技巧而成为一个合格的社交舞者。要做到这一点，你需要学习探戈的文化和礼节。随着能力的增长和视野的扩大，你将开始超越你自己。

在舞蹈中超越自我的能力标志着一个重大改变，随着这个改变你进入了你探戈之旅的最后阶段。在这个阶段，你开始注意与舞伴的关系，开始感觉他/她的感情，聆听他/她对音乐的诠释，体察和适应他/她的舞蹈，并与他/她成为一体。你不再为炫耀自己的技能而跳舞，而为让舞伴感到舒服和愉快而跳舞。探戈对你不再是舞步，而是爱的表达。你的带领不再那么强势和困难，而变得温柔体贴和适合舞伴的能力。你想让她感到容易并享受舞蹈的乐趣。你的跟随不再那么笨拙僵硬，与带领相抵触，而变得柔顺轻盈，与带领相和谐。你想让他感觉舒服并享受你。你开始明白探戈的精髓，并象老舞棍那样来理解探戈了。现在，你开始进入了这个舞蹈。

The Four Stages of Your Tango Journey

If tango to you is only what you can see it—the steps, then you are at the first stage of your tango journey. The intangible part of tango is still beyond your comprehension at this point. However, you should not let the step fool you. It is only the tip of an iceberg. Tango is a comprehensive art. Although you need to know the steps to dance tango, there are things equally if not more important that you must know. At this point your main attention should be placed on developing good posture, embrace, connection, balance, pivot, dissociation and walk. (See Tango Is a Language.) Many students take lessons beyond their level to learn advanced steps while their posture is still ugly, their body is still stiff and heavy, their embrace is still broken, their walk is still clumsy, and they still need to hold on to the partner for balance. As a result, the fancy steps that they are learning have little value to them, only enhance their bad habits. At this stage you need to overcome your eagerness to achieve quick results, proceed in an orderly and gradual way, take time to improve your posture, embrace, connection, balance, coordination, pivot, dissociation and walk, and correctly learn the basic steps in accordance with the standard. This approach seems slow, but it will lay a solid foundation that promises fast progress.

Once you’ve learned the basic steps and started to dance socially, you enter the second stage of your tango journey. At this stage you continue to learn steps, but your attention should be placed on correcting your old habits and cultivating new ones. If your personal praxes do not meet the tango standard, or if you gained bad habits during the first stage, you need to fix them now. This stage could be a long and painful period because the wont that you have accumulated in your lifetime is not easy to break. It takes time and hard work. You need a good teacher to work with you in details and correct your bad habits bit-by-bit. You can practice in front of a mirror or record your dance to analyze your posture, embrace, connection, balance, coordination and movement. You need to constantly make conscious efforts against your habits until you have developed and internalized right poise and movements that meet the aesthetics and standards of tango.

As your dance starts to have a tango feel, as you habituate yourself to the correct way of dancing tango, you enter the third stage of your tango journey. At this stage your attentions start to shift from the external to the internal. Once the step is no longer an obstacle to you, you can start to work on the intangible side of the dance. You need to improve your musicality, familiarize yourself with music of different genres, rhythms, tempos, moods, and orchestras, and learn to dance to different pieces differently. You need to learn to pause, to adorn your steps, to express your emotions, to dance in slow and fast motions, and with more advanced techniques aiming not only at the look but also the feeling of the dance, such as cadencia and gear effect. You need to improve the flexibility and coordination of your body and the ability to use your body to affect and harmonize the movement of your partner’s body. You also need to go beyond the techniques and become a socially acceptable dancer. For this you need to learn the culture and etiquette of tango. With the growth of your abilities and the widening of your vision, you will start to see beyond yourself.

The ability to see beyond yourself marks a significant change in your dance, with which you enter the final stage of your tango journey. At this stage you start to pay attention to the relationship with your partner, to feel his/her feelings (See Tango Is a Feeling), to listen to his/her interpretations of the music, to be considerate and adaptive to his/her dance, and to be one with him/her. You no longer dance to show off your skills, but to give comfort and pleasure to your partner. Tango to you is no longer steps, but an expression of love. Your lead becomes less forceful and difficult, but gentle, thoughtful and suited to the abilities of your partner. You want her to feel ease and enjoy the dance. Your follow becomes less bumpy and interruptive, but smooth, light, and in harmony with the lead. You want him to feel comfortable and enjoy you. You start to understand the essence of tango and see tango as what the milongueros see it. Now, you are at the top of the game.

你如何跳舞决非无关紧要

开发潜力，征服未知，拓展极限，拥有更多的愿望是驱使我们的动力。这人类本性一方面导致了许多成就，另一方面也造成无数滥用。我们社会中充满着这样的滥用或过激行为：无限自由，个人主义，资本主义，女权主义，极端保守主义，极端自由主义，政治上的极左和极右，宗教原教旨主义，恐怖主义，极端的科学技术，垄断性的商业模式，穷奢极侈的生活方式，宣扬暴力的娱乐和体育活动，金融及商界的欺诈行为，枪枝游说集团，过度消费，过度税收，过度使用自然资源，人为造成的气候变化，环境污染，人口爆炸，腐败，经济衰退，贫困，饥饿......

所有这些不导致一个和谐融洽的人类社会，而导致两极分化，冲突，仇恨，敌对和战争。我们从一个极端走向另一个极端，却没有意识到所有的极端主义来自我们里面共同的本性：贪婪，自私，无知，狭窄。我们不能也不愿从自身利益以外和自我角度以外来考虑问题。我们看不见整体和全貌，在其中我们仅仅是一个小点。我们依靠权势和实力来解决问题，却不明白失衡可能带来的后果。我们对私利永无休止的追求甚至可能导致文明的毁灭，如果人类的贪婪无知不受到制约和平衡的话。这并不是危言耸听。鉴于二战以来世界所发生的剧烈和飞速变化，地球母亲对我们的贪婪还能支持多久？人类之间的和平还能保持多长时间？

我不是唯一忧天的杞人。不管你意识到与否，探戈的流行反映了人们对正在失去的和平的普遍怀念，和对这个非人化的时代的反省。探戈让许多人着迷是因为他们在其中发现了一个不同的现实：人类的共同利益，相互依赖，一起生存，亲密合作，彼此联系。在探戈中我们在顺服他人，安慰他人和取悦他人中找到快乐，而不是在互相竞争中找到快乐。在探戈中我们找到了一个没有敌意和冲突的避难所，一个可以依靠的肩膀，一个通过沟通，合作，适应，和解和妥协来和谐相处的方式。在探戈中我们发现了宣扬爱的耶稣，倡导非暴力的甘地，主张朴素和回归自然的老子，和提倡中庸的孔子的智慧。在探戈中我们找到了和平，情爱，亲密，和一个我们希望现实世界也能够变得如此的，更美好的世界。

这就是为什么人们被探戈所吸引。这就是为什么我深为探戈也被人推向极端而感到悲愤。他们使这个爱的舞蹈变成了作秀，怪异，政治上正确，和以盈利为目的的舞蹈。这样做不仅改变了探戈的精髓，也出卖了它的理想主义，把它从一个教世界学会爱的舞蹈降低为与这一目的相反的舞蹈，把一个升华人性的舞蹈降低为减损人性的舞蹈，把一个象征着希望现实世界也能够变得如此美好的舞蹈降低为一个映照着我们想要改变的这个丑恶世界的舞蹈。

很多人现在承担起保护自然环境和合理使用自然资源的责任，因为地球是我们唯一的家园。难道我们不应该同样承担起保护社会环境和维持社会稳定的责任？新入探戈的人需要认识到，你怎么看探戈影响到你怎么学探戈和跳探戈。你可以把它只看成个舞蹈，或者你可以把它看成是教世界学会爱的舞蹈。你可以仅仅学习舞步，或者你可以学习如何与人成为一体。你可以用跳舞来显示自我，或者你可以用跳舞来显示爱心。你可以改造探戈，或者你可以让探戈改造你，并通过你改造世界。你如何跳舞决非无关紧要，因为通过跳舞你会留下影响，无论你选择怎样跳舞。

How You Dance Matters

Our desire to realize our potentials, to conquer the unknown, to expand the limits, and to possess more, is a part of what drive us. This very nature is the cause of our accomplishments on one hand and abuses on the other. Our society is full of such abuses or extremisms—unlimited personal freedom, selfish individualism, heartless capitalism, militant feminism, ultra conservatism and liberalism, extreme political right and left, religious fundamentalisms, terrorism, radical sciences and technologies, monopolistic business models, extravagant life styles, violent entertainments and sports, bank fraudulences, gun lobbies, over spending, over taxation, overuse of natural resources, manmade climate changes, environmental pollution, population explosion, corruptions, economic downturns, poverty, hunger…

All these result not in a cohesive and harmonious human society, but polarization, conflict, hatred, hostility and war. We go from one extreme to another without realizing that all extremisms come from the same human nature within us—greed, self-interests, ignorance and intolerance. We are unable and unwilling to consider interests and perspectives beyond our own. We cannot see the whole picture of which we are only a small part. We rely on power and might to solve problems, and we do not understand the consequence of unbalanced approaches (See Tango and Integrity). Our relentless pursuit of self-interests could lead to the destruction of civilizations if we let our greed and ignorance go unchecked and unbalanced. This is not alarmist talk. Given how rapidly and radically the world has changed since World War II, how long can mother earth support our greed and mankind remain peaceful with each other?

I am not the only one who worries. Whether you realize it or not, tango’s popularity reflects the universal nostalgia for the missing peace and the rebellion against the dehumanization of our times. Tango is fascinating to many because in tango we find a different reality—common interests, mutual dependency, togetherness, closeness, and connection. In tango we find joy in complying, comforting and pleasuring others instead of in competing with each other. In tango we find a refuge void of animosity and conflict, a shoulder that we can rely on, and a way to reach harmony through communication, collaboration, accommodation, reconciliation and compromise. In tango we find the wisdoms of Jesus who taught love, Gandhi who advocated nonviolence, Lao Tzu who pleaded simplicity and naturalness, and Confucius who argued for the golden mean. In tango we find peace, love, intimacy, and a better world that we wish ours could become.

That is why people are attracted to tango. That is why I am sad to see that tango too is polarized by the extremist tendency to make this dance of love a dance of show, a dance of exoticism, a dance of political correctness, and a dance for profit. By so doing they not only change the essence of the dance, but also betray its idealism and degrade tango from a dance that teaches the world to love to that against its ordained purpose, from that sublimates the humanity to that debases it, and from that symbolizes the world we want ours to become to that reflects the world we want to change.

Many people now take responsibilities to keep the natural environment clean and resources wisely used, because earth is our only home. Should we not also take responsibilities to keep the human environment clean and societies stable? People new to tango need to awaken to the fact that how you see tango affects how you learn and dance it. You may see it as just a dance, or you may see it as a dance that teaches the world to love. You may learn just how to do steps, or you may learn how to be one with each other. You may dance it to show your ego, or you may dance it to show your love. You may reinvent tango, or you may let tango change you and through you the world. How you dance matters, because by which you will leave an impact, either way.

探戈中的女人味和女权主义

在布宜诺斯艾利斯的舞会上所跳的探戈舞是男人和女人之间友好，亲密，关爱与和谐关系的写照。男人和女人从起初就是好朋友。男人喜欢女人。他们选择女人而不是男人做他们生活的伴侣。他们对女人比对其他男人好，也更慷慨。他们为女人与其他男人争斗竞争，并为自己所爱的女人拼命工作。女人也喜欢男人。她们总想吸引男人，赢得男人的心。她们把自己信托给男人，与男人结为一体，向男人奉献出自己的爱，并顺从男人的带领。男人和女人互相珍惜，彼此成就。他们的友谊，从总体上说，是一个爱情故事。

布宜诺斯艾利斯的探戈舞会让我想起这个爱情故事。在那些舞会上，我经验了与阿根廷妇女的美好关系。从外表上看，阿根廷妇女并不让我觉得比其他妇女更美丽。但她们却因她们的舞蹈在我心中留下了深刻的印象。她们是我所知道的最有女人味和女性魅力的女人。她们头上插着花，眼睛友好地望进你的眼睛，双手热情地拥抱你，把她们的胸脯亲切地贴在你的胸膛上。她们翩翩起舞，摆动她们的裙子。热烈，多情而富于诱惑，她们在你怀里扭动她们的身体，用她们的腿缠住你的腿，用她们的身体裹住你的身体。女人味并不是她们的弱点，而是她们的力量所在，而且她们知道如何用它来​​让你感觉特别。在现实生活中她们可能是教授，医生或老总，但在舞会上她们却只是单纯，自然，简单，可爱的女人。探戈由她们发明绝非出于偶然，因为那是在她们的血液中。阿根廷妇女是女人味和女性情感的人格化。与她们跳舞的确是人生中最令人满足的经验之一。

离开了女人味，探戈就不一样了。探戈需要男人强壮，果断，可靠，对女人很保护，也需要女人温柔，顺从，有女人味，妖娆美丽。男人和女人在探戈中扮演不同的角色，就如同在生活中一样。一个象枝干，另一个象花朵；在一起他们成为一棵盛开的大树。一个象画笔，另一个象颜料；在一起他们绘出美丽的画图。在欧洲和北美，有些人认为这种想法是性别歧视和男权控制。他们不希望探戈中有大男子主义，性别不平等和亲密的举动。他们希望舞伴之间保持距离，没有身体接触，用开式拥抱跳舞，以避免性刺激。他们希望男人不是带领女人，而是“邀请”女人做动作，并尊重她们拒绝邀请，率先动作，和带领男人的权利。他们还希望探戈在同性舞伴之间跳，女人带领女人，男人跟随男人。总之，他们希望探戈成为中性化的舞蹈，而舞会则象工作场所那样，在其中所有的人都以“政治上正确”的方式对待他人。

在欧洲和北美，妇女的男性化对探戈的跳法有着不可否认的影响。在那些社会里，现代生活方式鼓励妇女穿上工作服，隐藏起自己的性别特征，加入劳动大军同男人一样战斗。许多妇女把职业生涯放在婚姻之上，把个人成功放在家庭之上，把独立自主放在配偶关系之上。她们推动保护妇女权利和机会平等的法令，禁止男人把女人视为性对象。结果，妇女也越来越不把自己看成是女人，而把自己越来越看得象男人一样。为了与男人竞争，女人需要具有象男人一样的强势，事业心和挑战性。许多女人变得粗暴，讨厌，邋遢，肥胖，因为她们不再关心男人怎么看她们。她们养出粗暴，讨厌，邋遢，肥胖的女儿，因为希望她们长大后也与男人竞争。暴力的女人培养出暴力的杀人凶手，正如全世界刚刚在康涅狄格的Newtown所目睹的那样。当女人的行为变得如同男人，男女之间的关系便恶化，家庭便解体，孩子便失去父母。当女人不再有女人味时，她们对男人就不再那么有吸引力了，男人于是到同性关系中寻找替代。你想知道为什么“婚姻平等”日益成为我们社会中的热门话题吗？当女人失去其温柔仁爱的本性——这原是对男人好斗本性的一种平衡，这世界将成为一个更加危险的地方......

女人味之与人类，就象绿色之与环境。我为我们的妇女身上正在失去的女人味感到遗憾。我想，世界也在为此怀旧，这是为什么全球各地的人们都发现阿根廷妇女和她们的舞蹈如此迷人。如果你跳探戈舞跳得足够多，就象阿根廷妇女那样，你就会知道把女人变成男人在探戈里是行不通的，正如这在其他社会生活领域也造成了许多麻烦，却没有解决任何问题。在说了这些以后，感谢阿根廷探戈，我仍然对未来抱着希望，因为在探戈里，男人和女人为他们共同的利益必须保持他们之所以创造出来的样子：不同，然而是统一的；独特，而又不失平衡，多样，却互相补充，相反，但仍是平等的。

Femininity and Feminism in Tango

The tango that is danced in the milongas of Buenos Aires reflects a relationship between men and women that is friendly, loving, intimate and harmonious. Since the beginning of time men and women have been best friends. Men like women. They choose women over men to be their life partner. They treat women better than they treat other men. They are more generous to women than to other men. They fight for women with other men, and they work hard for the women they love. Women, too, like men. They always try to attract men and win men’s hearts. They trust themselves in men, devote their love to men, unite with men, and follow men’s lead. Men and women cherish and complete each other. Their friendship has been, for the most part, a love story.

In the milongas of Buenos Aires, I am reminded of this love story. I find myself experience a wonderful relationship with Argentine women. On the outside, Argentine women do not particularly strike me as more beautiful than other women. But they surely leave an impression in my heart when I dance with them. They are the most feminine and attractive women that I know. They wear flowers in their hair, look friendly into your eyes, embrace you warmly, with their chest intimately touch yours, and dance gracefully, waving their skirts. Passionate, sentimental and seductive, they twist their body in your arms, entangle their leg with your leg, and wrap your body with their body. Femininity is not their weakness but strength, and they know how to use it to make you feel special. They may be professors, doctors or CEOs in real life, but in the milongas they are just pure, natural, simple and lovely women. That tango is invented by them is not an accident—it is in their blood. Argentine women are the personifications of femininity and affection. Dancing with them is truly one of life’s most gratifying experiences.

Without femininity, tango will not be the same. Tango requires men to be strong, decisive, dependable and protective, and women to be soft, submissive, feminine and beautiful. Men and women play different roles in tango, as they do in life. One is like the stem and the other flowers; together they make a blossomy tree. One is like the brush and the other pigments; together they draw a beautiful painting. In Europe and North America, some people reject this idea as sexism and male domination. They want tango to be void of macho posturing, gender inequality and intimate displays. They want tango partners to maintain a distance from each other, keep away from physical contact, and dance in an open hold to avoid sexual stimulation. They want men not to lead but to “invite” women to move, and respect women’s rights to decline the invitation, to initiate their own steps, and to lead men. They want tango to be danced by same-sex partners as well, women lead women, and men follow men. In short, they want tango to be a gender-neutral dance and the milonga to be like a workplace where everybody conducts in a politically correct manner. (See Tango and Gender Equality)

The masculinization of women in Europe and North America has an undeniable impact on how tango is danced in these societies, where the modern way of life encourages women to put on uniforms, hide their gender identities, and join the work force to fight like men. Many women choose career over marriage, success over family, and independence over relationships. They push legislations to protect women’s rights and equal opportunities, and prohibit men to see women as sex objects. As a result, women, too, see themselves less and less as women, and more and more like men. In order to compete with men, women need to be strong, ambitious and aggressive like men. Many become violent, mean, sloppy and over weight, as they do not care about how men see them any more. And they produce violent, mean, sloppy and over weight daughters, as they want them also to grow up competing with men. Violent women produce violent murderers, as the world has just witnessed in Newtown, Connecticut. When women behave like men, the relationship between men and women deteriorates, the institution of family disintegrates, and children lose parents. When women cease to be feminine, they become less attractive to men, who then turn to same-sex relationships for help. You wonder why “marriage equality” increasingly becomes a discourse in our societies? When women lose their soft, loving nature that has been the balance to men’s aggression, the world is becoming a more dangerous place…

What femininity is to the humanity is like what green is to the environment. I am nostalgic for the missing femininity in our women. I think the world, too, is nostalgic for that, which is why people around the globe find Argentine women and their dance fascinating. If you dance enough tango, as do the Argentine women, you will know that turning women into men just doesn’t work in tango, as it has caused more problems than solving any in other social discourses. That said, I remain hopeful thanks to Argentine tango, because in tango men and women have to be who they are created to be for their common well-being—divergent yet united, distinct yet balanced, different yet complementary, and opposite but equal (See Femininity and Feminism in Tango (II)).