妇女在CABECEO中的作用

当一个男人被一个女人所吸引，他第一件事就是盯着她看。他的目光被她捕获，无法自拔。这女人若不想鼓励他，可以忽略他的注视。如果她对他也有些兴趣，便会望着他。受到鼓励的男人若想接近她，或许会对她挤眉弄眼。但他若决定不追她，便或许会把目光移开。这种男女之间的游戏每天都在发生，随处可以见到。

在布宜诺斯艾利斯的探戈舞会上，男人和女人也玩这种游戏。一个男人环顾舞厅，想找一个舞伴。如果他发现了他想与之跳舞的女人，他就凝视着她。这个也在寻找舞伴的女人很快会注意到他。如果她不想同他跳舞，她只需简单地将视线移开。如果她也想同他跳舞，她就把目光锁定在他身上，等待他的邀请。他于是向她点头请舞，她也会点头答应，接受他的邀请。所有这些都是在无言之中远距离完成的。

用这样的方式邀请女人跳舞叫做CABECEO。CABECEO之所以成为阿根廷探戈文化的一部分，主要因为探戈是一种性感而亲密的舞蹈。阿根廷探戈用的是贴身拥抱，在跳探戈时男女双方有相当密切的身体接触。一个女人若要与一个男人有这么亲昵的行为，她必须先有愿望并同意这样做。否则，即使她不情愿地接受了男人的邀请，她也会有所保留，冷漠乏味，不会完全委身于他并满怀激情地同他跳舞。这就是为什么在阿根廷，CABECEO被视为探戈舞的必要组成部分。一个老舞棍不会同一个女人跳舞，除非她明确显示想跟他跳舞的欲望，看着他的眼睛，并以点头微笑回答他的CABECEO。

与口头邀请相比，CABECEO的长处是它允许妇女参与舞伴选择的过程，使她们处于有利的地位。一个女人得有与她舞技和乐感相匹配的舞伴，探戈跳起来才过瘾。要找到这么一个舞伴，她不能在那儿坐等，而必须积极搜寻，而且她得在所有的男人中挑选，不能只在来到她桌前的少许男士中选择。一个阿根廷女人不会坐在那里守株待兔。她会主动出击，率先显示想跟自己选定的男人跳舞的愿望。这样，她吸引那位男士对她做CABECEO，同时也防止自己被她不想与之跳舞的其他男人困扰。

对于男人来说，CABECEO也是邀请女人跳舞的便捷方式。要口头邀请一个女人，男人得绕过舞池，走到她所在的地方。如果女方拒绝，他不但得忍吞尴尬，而且还得绕回自己的座位。界时其他女人可能都已被邀走，要等到该组舞曲结束后他才有下一个机会。而使用CABECEO，他却可以在远距离以外迅速找到愿意跟他跳舞的女伴，不用担心被人在女友们面前在当众谢绝。

要让CABECEO起作用，妇女必须参与其中。如果女人不积极寻找舞伴，男人即使想对她们做CABECEO也不能。但是，要使妇女积极参与，探戈对她们来说必须是非常亲密的私事，以至她们不想跟任何非自己选定的男人跳，就好象她们不想跟任何非自己所爱的男人睡觉一样。CABECEO在美国尚未通行，是因为我们的探戈还没有达到这个水平。大多数本地女子都是探戈新手，尚不能在跳舞时将自己深深陷入。她们采用开式拥抱，与男人很少或根本没有身体接触。她们不委身于男人，也没有感情上的投入。她们坐在那里聊天，对想跟她们跳舞的男人毫不在意。她们既不敢注视男人，也不知对男人的CABECEO如何应对。结果，她们只好坐在那里被动地等待男人前来，并接受任何口头邀请。

具有讽刺意味的是，在“男权主义”的阿根廷，妇女能通过使用CABECEO决定与谁亲近，而在女权主义的美国，妇女在如此私人的事情上却没有多少控制。CABECEO只能产生于成熟的探戈群体。它是妇女积极参与选择的结果，也是她们在探戈中成熟的尺度。这是老舞棍们只用CABECEO来邀请女人跳舞的另一个原因。

Women’s Role in Cabeceo

When a man is attracted by a woman, the first thing he does is looking at her intensely. His eyes are captured, and he cannot take them away from her. The woman may respond either by ignoring the man, if she doesn’t want to encourage him, or looking directly into his eyes, if she too is interested. The encouraged man then may wink or nod at her with intent to approach her, or he may move his eyes away from her if he decides not to pursue. This game between men and women happens everyday, everywhere.

In the milongas of Buenos Aires, this is also the game men and women play. A man looks around the dance hall to search for a partner. If he finds a woman he likes to dance with, he stares at her. The woman, who is also looking for a partner, will soon notice him. If she doesn’t want to dance with him, she simply turns her eyes away. If she wants to dance with him, she fixes her eyes at him and waits for him to invite her. He does so by nodding his head at her, and she responds with a nod of her head to accept his invitation. All these are done remotely without any verbal exchange.

This way of inviting a woman to dance is called cabeceo. Cabeceo becomes a part of Argentine tango culture mainly because tango is a sensual and intimate experience. Argentine tango is danced in a close embrace with considerable body contact between a man and a woman. For a woman to involve in such an intimate activity with a man, she must first have a desire and agree to do so. Otherwise, even if she reluctantly accepts the dance, she will be reserved, cold and dry. She will not completely surrender herself to him and dance with passion and feeling. That is why cabeceo is regarded as a necessary part of tango in Argentina. A milonguero will not dance with a woman unless she shows a clear desire to dance with him—by looking into his eyes and responding to his cabeceo with a nod and smile.

The advantage of cabeceo over a verbal invitation is that it puts women in an advantageous position and allows them to participate in the partner selection process. For tango to be a satisfying experience for a woman, she needs a partner matching her in skills and musicality. To find such a man, she cannot sit there waiting. She has to actively search for him, and she has to search among all men, not just a few that come to her table. An Argentine woman does not sit there waiting for a man to come. She takes initiative in the process by willingly showing her desire to dance with the man of her choice. In that way she invites him to cabeceo her, and prevents herself from being bothered by those whom she doesn’t want to dance with.

For men, cabeceo is also a convenient way to invite a woman. To ask a woman verbally, a man needs to walk across the room to where she is. If the woman rejects him, he not only has to swallow the embarrassment, but also has to walk all the way back to his seat. By then other potential partners may all be taken, and he has to wait till the tanda ends for the next opportunity. Whereas using cabeceo he can quickly and remotely find the woman willing to dance with him without risking being publicly rejected by someone in front of her friends.

For cabeceo to work, women must participate in the process. If women do not actively search for men, men cannot cabeceo them even if they want to. But for women to be active, tango must be an intimate experience so personal to them that they don’t want to do it with anyone other than the men of their choice, just like they don’t want to sleep with anyone other than those they love. The reason cabeceo doesn’t work in America is that our tango hasn’t yet reached that level. Most women here are new to tango and they are not able to dance tango in a deeply personal way. They dance tango in an open embrace with little or no body contact with men. They do not surrender themselves and intimately engage themselves with men in the dance. They sit there chatting and pay no attention to men who want to dance with them. They are too afraid of staring at men, and they do not know how to respond to a cabeceo (See Tango Etiquette: Eye Contact, Talking, Clique and Hierarchy). As a result, they can only wait passively for men to come, and accept any verbal invitation.

It is ironic that in macho Argentina women get to decide with whom they want to be intimate by using cabeceo, while in feminist America women have so little control on a matter so personal to them. Cabeceo is a product of a mature tango community. It results from women’s active participation in the partner selection process. It is a measurement of their maturity in tango. That is another reason why a milonguero only use cabeceo to invite a woman.